


On Va Voir

by cpt_winniethepooh



Series: when i look at him [5]
Category: Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Coming Out, Interviews, M/M, Mentions of homophobia, Meta, POV Outsider, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Social Commentary, Social Media, homophobic language mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-17 21:20:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28731855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cpt_winniethepooh/pseuds/cpt_winniethepooh
Summary: Steve and Bucky give an interview after they've revealed that Steve's "girlfriend's" social media accounts actually belonged to Bucky all along.A Stucky Bingo fill for the prompt 'On Va Voir'.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Series: when i look at him [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/941448
Comments: 7
Kudos: 124
Collections: Stucky Bingo 2020





	On Va Voir

**Author's Note:**

> I have no recollection of writing this fic; however, it is undoubtedly my writing and I remember imagining this interview many times. Apparently I wrote it too, in early 2018 if the data is to be believed XD 
> 
> So it's long overdue that I post it, and as I do so I'm also including it as a Stucky Bingo fill for the prompt 'On Va Voir' because if you challenge Steve to a dare, he will never not just walk away.

Captain America is the symbol of patriotism, the embodiment of the ideal soldier, and a role model for everyone to fight for truth, justice and the American way. Steve Rogers, the man behind the mask, is a much more _closeted_ figure; few were known about his civil personality – up until recently.

His relationship with his childhood best friend and recently pardoned Winter Soldier James “Bucky” Barnes has always been the topic of some speculation. However, they shocked the country by surpassing even the most liberal interpretation of said relationship when a few weeks ago they came out as a couple.

Now they wish to show their side of the story and have invited me to have a conversation about love, the experience of growing up queer in the early decades of the previous century, and what it means to lead by example.

_Interview by John Deer._

Steve Rogers greets me with a warm smile and a firm grip, the latter a requirement for his position and the former making him look young and carefree. "Bucky" Barnes is behind him, more reserved, except for his eyes which always seem to find Rogers. 

"Thanks for coming to Manhattan," is what Rogers opens with. He is wearing his staple plaid-and-slacks ensemble, whereas Barnes is cozier in a knitted sweater and some distressed denim.

"My pleasure, thanks for having me. I understand your home base is still mostly Brooklyn?"

"Yes, but we do spend a lot of time here."

It's understandable why they chose the Avengers Tower as the location for this interview. It's somewhat less invasive than letting me in on a private location nobody knows the address of – but it can’t be denied that they’ve made the suite their home, too.

They show me around the living room, which is full of warm colors, mahogany shelves, and the coziest looking sofa I've ever seen. But as a journalist, I'm drawn to the bookshelves where I find the most eclectic of selections: pulp fiction, fantasy, sci-fi, political science, periodicals, biographies, history books.

"We missed out on a lot of things," Barnes explains as I'm looking at _The 100 greatest scientific inventions of the 20th century_.

"If you've only read half of these, you are catching up already," I tell him.

"I've read all, and these are only the ones that don’t fit into the flat," Barnes says, almost dryly. I have a feeling his sense of humor doesn't come out easily with strangers.

"Bucky's always been a nerd," Rogers says fondly. "You know, the last night before he shipped out he took me to the Science Expo."

"What else was I supposed to do," Barnes mutters, then goes to fetch some freshly baked muffins from the kitchen. You may be familiar with them from his Instagram, which got popular almost a year ago as the account of the then-unidentified partner of Steve Rogers, and was revealed to be Barnes's just last month. 

The muffins look good online, but that's nothing to how _incredible_ they taste.

"Oh wow, these are phenomenal," I compliment Barnes, and he actually smiles at me.

At this point, I realize that while Rogers has been nothing but wide, toothy laughs lately, Barnes is still restrained. But when he smiles, he looks younger, just like Rogers, and remarkably similar to the old photos.

"I picked up stress-baking during my recovery," he explains.

"I'm the luckiest guy alive," Rogers adds with sincerity, and when I turn to him, he's looking at Barnes with sparkling eyes.

After a few other rounds of muffins, compliments and pleasantries, we naturally migrate to the living room. They sit in single armchairs, but it feels as if there's no space between them with the way they are leaning towards each other ever so slightly.

"When I saw these on your account, I never could imagine just how great they would taste," I say around my last muffin (for now: I don't want a sugar high) as a leeway into the reason why I'm here.

Barnes grins smugly, and Rogers says, "Nobody can," with the pride of someone who made them. (He didn't. Barnes proclaims he's not allowed near the oven, but sadly won't elaborate.)

"So, about your account," I say, and they both look like kids who did something they've been told not to do but succeeded in anyway. "How did you come up with the idea?"

I expect to hear it from Barnes, since it's his account, but to my surprise, it's Rogers who answers. "You remember how a bunch of photos were leaked and everybody assumed it was from my 'girlfriend'?"

Naturally, I do, along with most of the country. [The cloud of a then unidentified person was broken into, and a handful of pictures were published and then reposted everywhere, mainly because they contained a brand-new picture of a peacefully sleeping Steve Rogers in what appeared to be his bedroom in the middle of the night.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20281543)

Only a lover, an intimate partner would take that picture, commented literally everybody on the Internet, and so wild speculations about who Cap's girlfriend was bloomed into long-winded video essays and gossip articles.

"I thought it was unfair that everybody assumed that. Why girlfriend? Just because of the muffins and the cat and the sunsets?" and suddenly Rogers's cheeriness gives way to a stern expression, and I feel chastised, even though I personally did not publish anything regarding the leak.

But I did assume it was a woman, too, and I feel compelled to admit that. "They were pretty romantic photos."

"Yeah, and romance is totally for women only," Barnes says wryly.

"Everybody assumed I was straight without bothering to ask," Rogers goes on. "And I don't just mean the leak, but even before that. When I was with SHIELD it took them almost a year to so much as mention gay people in my presence, and of course, by then I had discovered everything on my own. As if my old-fashioned values would catch on fire if I found out some men preferred other men."

"Which is rich, given that we fought in the war, and let me tell you: when a lot of men are kept together with other men for a long period of time, they get less fussy about these things," Barnes says.

When I think about my own parents' and grandparents' generation, there is no question in me that they did know about the existence of non-heterosexual people and relationships, even if they lacked the proper vocabulary to describe them. Yet, with national hero Captain America and his sidekick, it is somehow scandalous to imagine anything done under the secrecy of a dark night.

Something must show on my face, because Barnes lifts an eyebrow and says, "Plus we did live in a queer neighborhood in Brooklyn, you know. It's in the history books and everything."

_After the interview, I check, and it is: they lived under the Brooklyn Bridge, now a prestigious business district, then notorious for gay establishments and police raids._

Even though I'm supposed to do the asking, the tables are turned, and I am being scrutinized.

"I never really considered what that means," I try to explain. "Plus, it was always described as poor, not queer."

"Well, we can't have a national icon and the most emblematic propaganda figure to be associated with the queers, right?" Barnes says with sarcasm. He may not look the part, but he does not put up with any nonsense, as I'm learning the hard way.

"But now you've changed that," I say, gathering my wits. "And it all started with not being asked about your sexuality?"

"Nobody asked, not even the Avengers, so I thought it would be nice to show people not to make so many assumptions," Rogers grins.

" _Your_ idea?"

"Of course; have you read the stories about us? I was always the reckless one."

I must pay attention to not gape like a fish, but when I think about it, he's right. The serum, the prisoner camp, even Captain America himself, these were what Steve Rogers signed up for willingly and helped to execute. And he's also right about making assumptions because I assumed it was Barnes who was the hot-headed, who got into trouble, who came up with the idea of the @onyourright Instagram account.

When I look at Barnes he just nods, then adds his part. "Not that I needed to be forced into anything, which is something Steve still worries about."

"I do, because it started out as a fun prank, and then we ended up putting this burden of expectation on you – _I_ ended up doing that."

"No you didn't," Barnes tells him firmly. "I went with you willingly in the '30s, then in the war, then now. And yeah, sometimes it was hella stressful and I was tying myself into knots over what to post and how much to show, but ultimately, I loved pulling people's hair by pretending to be Steve's 'girlfriend'. And maybe we achieved something good with it, you know. Many just saw Cap, not Steve, and if we didn't pull this schtick I think nobody would see our relationship for how it actually is."

Rogers nods after a moment of hesitation.

I have the feeling they’ve had this conversation before. "How is it?" I ask, because _I_ haven't heard this conversation before.

"What you see online is pretty much how," Rogers answers. "Our online presence may be calculated – which it has to be if you're famous. Nobody wants to post something that'll backfire on them. But that doesn't necessarily mean it's dishonest as well. We do like to watch Disney movies, and I do cry on _Up._ "

"Everybody cries on _Up_ ," I admit.

"Exactly! And we cook a lot together, and we play with our cat, and if somebody wants to blow up the city, we gear up and fight together. And each night I'm thankful that I get to do all of that, and then fall asleep in the arms of the guy I'm in love with."

If you think Captain America saying that with full sincerity isn't enough to conjure up some tears in a grown man's eyes, you're wrong. After I’ve apologized for ‘aw’-ing out loud, we move on.

"I have to ask the question everybody is asking: since when?"

They smile at each other, shy and wry at the same time. They look like a young couple in love, during the honeymoon period when everything is aglow with the new wonder of it all, yet also have the vibe of an old married couple who know each other inside and out.

"Depends," Barnes answers, turning back to me. "If you mean since when have I loved him... pretty much since I met him. Always. But we only did something about it in this century."

Rogers nods, and when I look at him, he starts talking.

“I’ve always loved Bucky, too, but not like that, not until after HYDRA. _Well_ after HYDRA. And back then I never could've imagined a guy like him could be into me – just look at him! He was always handsome, and smart, and always stood up for what was right."

At that, a rare occurrence: Barnes _blushes_. It is, even to the straight male eye, adorable.

"I sometimes can't even believe it now," Rogers adds wistfully. "It is an incredible luxury to be able to love openly."

"It is," Barnes picks up. “Back then there were a lot of folks around looking for a fight, including Stevie here. And police raids, and don't even try to tell me he would've been fine in prison."

Rogers grumbles, and Barnes rolls his eyes. It’s incredible, how much more animated and open he is when the subject is Rogers.

“I know it's hard to believe when you see him now, but he weighed nothing, was sicker than a stray cat and my gran combined, and couldn't shut his mouth to save his life,” Barnes tells me. “He got into enough fights as it was, even with only half the neighborhood calling him a fairy."

Rogers tries to protest, but Barnes shuts it down. "You got into a fight every other day, Steve, with everyone, over everything. If you had added yet another cause to the list of things you were willing to die for..."

"That is an exaggeration–"

"I washed the blood out of your shirts."

Rogers clams his mouth at that, and apparently that satisfies Barnes.

“To be fair, I was preoccupied with other issues,” Rogers says after a moment. "If the Nazis weren't around, I probably would'a marched with Rosa Parks and then with the Stonewall Crowd."

Even if the idea of Captain America protesting against the government is a frightening one, I have no doubt that Rogers means every bit of it. The image of the perfect soldier is morphing right in front of my eyes, because Rogers is much more than that, and much less accepting of intolerance, if such a thing exists.

However, I can't help but ask him about Barnes. "You really couldn't imagine him fancying you? It's pretty obvious now."

They _both_ blush. It makes Rogers seem like a schoolboy and brings out the color in Barnes's eyes. Rogers even rubs his neck with a nervous laugh.

"I just may not have seen it. We talked to Bucky's sister's descendants recently, and they said Becca [Barnes, James Buchanan's older sister] always talked about us like tragical lovers. But I was very busy with... well, Buck is right. Trying to prove my worth to the world, essentially, and besides, Bucky had a gorgeous dame on each arm. He was a real charmer, a good catch, so no, I couldn't see him ever thinking of me like that."

Rogers's eyes are practically shining as he looks at Barnes.

"Do you ever regret the time you wasted?" I ask them both, and to my surprise, they both shake their heads.

"It was a different time, and we were different people," Rogers says.

"We did not waste time," Barnes says. "We lived together, we fought together, we loved each other, even if in a different way. Doesn’t mean it was worth any less than what we have now."

"Bucky's right. We had an emotional connection that nothing could break, and that's just as important as the romantic or physical one."

"Doesn't mean I'd rather go back," Barnes says. "I prefer not being afraid of being beaten up if I happen to kiss my partner in public."

He may appear unemotional to the untrained eye, but his eyes mirror the adoration in Rogers's.

“And do you?” I ask. “Kiss him in public?”

He ducks his head. “We’re not really into PDA, but it means a lot that I could. Especially after a hard-won battle against aliens or whatnot.”

"It’s great to know that I can just ask him out on a dance now,” Rogers says. “He was dancing with everybody back then, you know."

"I was not," Barnes protests. "And you said you hated dancing!"

"Obviously I did when I wasn't dancing with you," Rogers rolls his eyes, and Barnes just gapes.

When I inquire what it’s like to fight side by side as partners, if anything’s changed, they don’t understand the question. They’ve always fought together, after all, from what they and the history books told me, even before WWII. They always marched side by side, Barnes on Rogers’s right – and suddenly his handle, @onyourright, is explained – they always had each other’s backs, and they always will. That now they also hold hands at the movies is an addition that makes them happy but doesn’t really influence the rest.

It makes sense if you see them and what they have together. Their love runs deeper than a fleeting infatuation or a surface-level attraction: it’s the kind everybody wishes to have, but so few lucky do.

There is one more thing I want to know before we wrap up, something that ties history, sexuality and generational differences together.

"What's your opinion on the current LGBT+ stance? All these labels, all the issues around representation..."

They contemplate, and Rogers does a small nudge with his head at Barnes to indicate that he should go first, which he does.

"I'm still behind the times a lot, so don't come after me with pitchforks if I say something insensitive," he starts, "but I think it's great. After HYDRA happened to me, it helped a lot with my recovery to put the right names to things. My therapist says it's useful after gaslighting, but I think it's useful in general. I like knowing exactly who I am and if that involves a few new words, who cares?"

"I was reassured by the labels too, when I woke up," Rogers picks up. "By knowing that I wasn't alone. But now I just prefer queer, because I'm only sure of two things: that I'm not straight and that I will always love Bucky."

His beaming is contagious. They act like newlyweds, even though by their own account they have been together for years at this point, romantic pining during WWII notwithstanding.

"The representation we both agree on: it's great and we need it," Rogers says. "That's why we, too, decided to come out."

"And because we did not want to live in secret when we didn't have to," Barnes adds.

"Yeah. And if this inspires others to not live in secret when they don't have to, well– all the better."

**Author's Note:**

> Do excuse Bucky's language; I purposefully tried to use a mix of modern and less politically correct slang to make him (them both tbh) sound believably from the past but trying their best to be up to date and not offend anyone.


End file.
